ashe’s story

Hi, my name is Ashe, and I’m the Transgender, non-binary and gender-diverse community awareness and support lead at Basildon pride as part of their Pride Everyday team.

As a gender-fluid person, who only came to realise this in their 30’s, my journey has had a lot of difficulties. The community has been nothing short of amazingly accepting and receptive to me as a member of the trans community, with nothing but support, love and admiration. But there is still a long way to go with people outside of the community.

Despite coming out 5 years ago, it took until last October for my work to recognise me as someone who lives outside of the gender binary, and for them to begin using ‘they/them’ pronouns and to stop referring to me using masculine terms. Once I sat down with the upper management in my area, they were incredibly receptive and quick to correct and educate themselves, allowing for an easier transition and more understanding of who I am as a person.

If someone was to ask me, “what does the concept of pride mean to you?” My answer is community. Being part of not only Basildon Pride’s committee, but also as part of the overall LGBTQIA+ community has given me a true sense of belonging and appreciation for not only the differences we celebrate, but also the tribulations and the trials we as the larger community face. It’s made me feel like I was not fighting for who I am alone, and that I have found a real sense of people and community around me.

Another thing I am frequently asked is what is something I wish more people knew or understood. Now, this coming from my own experience, it’s possibly the damage that intentional deadnaming or misgendering can cause. When it’s done accidentally, it’s a mistake that everyone just moves on from. But intentional deadnaming and misgendering carries with it malice and discrimination. Both deadnaming and misgendering erase and reduce the person to an idea that you have of that person, not how they wish to be recognised and who they are.

Finally, my advice for anyone who is going on their journey either with their gender identity or sexual orientation is to be patient and kind with yourself. You do not have to – and probably won’t –have everything sorted and organised. These things shift and alter, and can do so quite dramatically, so just remember to be patient with yourself, remember that all your feelings are respected and valid, and that you are on a journey. It is not a race, and it may change dramatically or not at all. There is nothing wrong with any part of it, or anything wrong with you. And be loud, don’t be afraid to challenge the people around you if they’re doing something wrong, even if they are your family or friends. It’s takes bravery to do so, but if you do it once, it gets easier and easier to do so.

Thanks for reading! Ashe OUT!